Saturday, May 8, 2010

The Gay Scoutmasters

Over the last couple weeks I've been trying to pull together a team for what is claimed to be the the toughest one day endurance event on the planet. It's a 7 mile obstacle course where athletes traverse through a number of obstacles meant to test physical strength and mental grit. Obstacles like crawling though underground tunnels, climbing over 12-foot walls, traversing over wires and cargo nets, wading through extremely cold water, crawling through mud and course sand, climbing mud slides while trying to avoid the blast of a water canon, and finally running amongst ignited bales of hay. There is no race clock. You either finish or you don't. It's called Tough Mudder, and I'm excited as hell to give it a try.

My next task is to convince others that it sounds fun. Assuming I can organize a team, I'm now thinking about a team uniform for the event. I'm trying to stick to the theme of Tough Mudder, which is that it is for serious athletes that don't take themselves too seriously. I'd love to hear your ideas as well. Here are a few of mine.
  • The Gay Scoutmasters: this guy pretty much nailed the costume, except we'd switch out those green shorts for some light blue jean cutoff short shorts. I might even mend the shirt to be a crop top. And of course, we'd all get rainbow headbands. Let me be clear here though. This is not to make fun of gay people. It's to make fun of Boy Scouts. We all know they secretly love gays. They'll come around one day. :)

  • Lumber down Under: Lumberjacks are basically bad-asses. Of course, not real lumberjacks. They're fat shapely, drink too much, and smell funny. I'm talking about the fake ones. You know, the ones that are 50 feet tall and have a giant blue ox named Babe. Supposedly it was Mr. Bunyan that chopped off the top of a mountain near my hometown. It's flat and called Table Top Mountain. What a bad-ass!

    The suspenders definitely make the costume here. The second part of this costume would be growing a gnarly beard. I'd probably grow out the beard for a month or so, and then shave it into a completely embarrassing configuration of some sort.

    Oh, and the innuendo in the name definitely refers to our junk. Joking about how big your package is never gets old. Or you can stop joking and just stuff a sock down there. Hence...the next costume.
  • Day at the Country Club: this costume is inspired from one of my friends that dressed up like this for Halloween. The preppy outfit would provide a good contrast with the "tough" event. Take a preppy in white clothes and drag their ass through mud, underground tunnels, and submerge them in dirty water. See how the pretty boy looks when its all over.

    Now, about the sock. My friend tells me that the key to "sock stuffing" is to put just enough sock in there so that it draws attention, but that it's not so big that people will absolutely know that it's fake. So people gawk, their eyes register a surprised reaction, but then they hesitate to say anything because they aren't sure if it's real. Imagine calling someone out for having a fake bulge in their pants, only to find out that the bulge is in fact real. AWWWKWARD!

Let me know if you have any good ideas for the team uniform. At this point, I'll probably discover that convincing people to wear one of these uniforms will be more difficult than getting them to register for the event. More to come...


  1. I did the tough mudder last weekend and I am now signed up for the Spartan Race in NY check it out

  2. That race sounds awesome and it sounds even more fun with a corny team uniform! Good Luck!

  3. Go with the Lumber Down Under costume. I can't wait to hear how much crap your beard gets in it after crawling through the mud and grime.

  4. Lumber Down Under - hands down!

  5. Well as long as you're looking for costumes, I'd rather watch you all in kilts. Now THAT would be fun! With all the obstacles, I'd finally get to see what one wears underneath.


  6. Thanks for stopping by Team HQ. Sounds like a fun time. Since I already sport a gnarly beard, I have to vote for the Lumber Down Under. Good luck forming a team. Cheers!

  7. That looks like a lot of fun! Hard work, but fun!

  8. Lumber down under sounds like a winner to me. Were it not for the matter of a few thousand miles I'd be up for joining you. Looks like a great event.
    Great post - a much needed laugh break in my workday.

  9. That's hilarious! I'm sure whichever "themes" or outfits you go with will turn heads and command attention - especially if you win the whole thing.

    Interval Training Man

  10. Thanks for stopping by my blog! (And I'm not being cliche...otherwise I wouldn't have found yours which seems to combine two of my favorite things: ridiculousness and running.)
    HOT DAMN you are fast!

    I like the preppy costume idea. Also the cast of movie/TV shows make good group costumes.

    Bay2Breakers is today, so that's probably your best bet for ideas. I'm doing that one before I die FOR SURE!

  11. Day at the country club!!!! LOL! Do that one!