Death Metal and the Coordinated Head Bang

I first realized that a friend of mine was into death metal when I heard him grumbling what sounded like chants to Satan. In case you're into more wholesome music, I should probably explain that death metal singers grumble and scream. You can't understand a single word that they're saying, which is probably a good thing since they're usually singing about going Freddy Krueger on your ass.

Last week my friend got word that a death metal concert was coming to New York. He invited me and another person, with this poster image displayed in his email invite.



Yes, that is a cloaked figure sacrificing somebody on an alter. And yes, there apparently is a band called "Hate." I hesitatingly accepted the invite, and the other person declined. The other guy is a christian and I think was concerned with his salvation. He asked if he could still go to heaven if he attended. Probably not.

The first band I saw was called Blackguard. Scary as shit. They were all painted up like demons and the two guitarists on each side of the stage had long hair that they would eerily sway around in unison as they head banged. They seriously practice their head bangs. They would do some circular head banging for awhile and then both change to a vertical head bang at the exact same moment. Impressive.

The next two bands were a good time, and appeared to be well known to the crowed. So everyone was really into it. When death metal-ers get "into it" they do a couple things. Let's make a list.

1. Head Bang: people actually exhibit unique styles when head banging. I could write an entire blog entry about head banging styles. Let's just say it's really annoying when the dude's hair in front of you keeps hitting your face. It's especially annoying when you aren't sure if he'll try to kill you for complaining about it.
   
2. Mosh-pit: when death metal-ers get pumped up they like to run around pushing each other really hard. This ends up forming into a congested mass of pushy people. Sometimes the pits can get overly aggressive, but mostly people are just trying to experience what looked like "happy aggression."
   
3. Crowd Surf: this became the ultra-cool thing to do about halfway through the concert. It seems like somebody was crowd surfing at almost every moment. Get a couple big dudes to pick you up and the crowd takes care of the rest. They might take care of your wallet and phone too if you're not careful.
   
4. Put up devil horns: this is that hand gesture where you extend your pinkey and forefinger so they look like horns. People throw these up instead of clapping their hands. I don't know if this is supposed to be the devil salute or what. But all the cool kids were doing it.
   

I'm proud to say that I engaged in all four forms of death metal-ness. With a little encouragement from my friend, I broke into the mosh-pit and started pushing people around while trying not to get injured. And then I did it about six more times throughout the evening. What I learned about the pit is that death metal-ers aren't trying to hurt each other. People are pretty physical, but if somebody fell down, they wouldn't start stomping on you with their goth military boots. They would make sure you got up. I know because I tried to stomp on someone after I pushed them over, and people gave me funny looks. Ok, maybe not.

Crowd surfing. Oh yes I did. I had some big dudes pick me up. And next thing I knew I was being carried over the death metal-er's heads toward the stage. Some security guy grabbed me and helped me down near the front of the stage. Then I ran back and tore up the pit again. This is getting fun.

A note about head banging. It's the cool thing to do. Apparently it's also cool to get in a row, put your arms around each other's waists like a bunch of can-can girls, and head bang in unison. I saw this a couple times...head bang bonding.

I'll finish with a photo of me and my friend with his newly purchased poster. See that hand sign that we're doing? Those are the devil horns. Guess that makes me a cool kid.

Native American Healing Clay

My friend from work recently called in sick for three days. The reason...he was ill from eating a teaspoon of dirt. Yeah, that's right, he purposely ate dirt! Well, clay to be exact. You know, the kind of clay that you find in some regions when you are digging a hole in the…uhhhh…dirt. After becoming ill, he called the woman that sold the clay and explained the reaction his body had to the substance. After explaining that he had a high fever and diarrhea, the woman exclaimed, “Isn’t that just wonderful!!”

Huh?!

Don’t worry, he was just as confused. I mean “wonderful” isn’t exactly the word of choice when you are shitting clay every 10 minutes. Apparently the woman believed that the sick feeling was the result of his body emitting toxins. Either that, or this is just what she tells people after they get sick from eating the dirt she sold them.

Now, the whole toxin thing wasn’t exactly a ball way out in left field, since the reason he ate the clay in the first place was to cleanse his body of toxins. What exactly a “toxin” is, and whether the body effectively discharges toxins via the liver and kidney, is another conversation. This conversation is about my experience with eating clay. Yes, I actually ate clay after my friend got sick doing so. No, I’m not too smart.










Photo of the dirt in question

Before eating dirt, the first thing I wanted to know was whether it was safe. My first piece of information was that this clay is called bentonite. This was a good sign, given that many people, including myself, have used bentonite in winemaking. Bentonite attaches to molecules that make a wine undesirably hazy. Once attached, the particles become heavy and sink to the bottom, where they are left behind when siphoning wine to another container.

It turns out that bentonite is believed to work very similarly in your body. The clay expands as it become saturated, and absorbs/attaches to molecules in your intestinal tract. Lastly, your body excretes the bentonite along with the absorbed molecules. But what exactly bentonite absorbs, and whether these materials are toxins that the body is unable to process through the kidney and liver, is something that you won’t find in most of the marketing materials for "healing clay". Why is this?

Unfortunately for alternative medicine, most claims are anecdotal at best and are not based on good scientific principles. Science would describe exactly what was being removed from the body and how. Science would also explain why these removed molecules are bad for your body. And lastly, science would share this research in peer reviewed journals so that others could critique each assumption and conclusion. Alternative medicine takes a different approach. They usually cite ancient cultures that used the substance for hundreds of years, implying that there must be wisdom in the practice. Unfortunately, last time I tried the rain dance it didn’t work…

Jokes aside, there is a bit of science that would suggest health benefits to eating clay. For example, during the early 20th century, soldiers in the German and Austrian armies used a type of clay called kaolin to combat cholera and dysentery¹. More recently, Arizona State University professors Shelley Haydel and Lynda Williams have shown that some types of clay are able to kill certain undesirable strains of bacteria that cause skin disease and food poisoning. Their research involves the gathering of clays from around the world, testing each clay’s ability to kill or reduce the growth of harmful bacteria, and determining why some clay is more effective than others². I’m sure pharmaceutical companies are lying in wait for the day when they isolate the compounds responsible for killing harmful bacteria.

In the meantime, good hygiene would likely be a better solution than eating a dirt sample in a nicely packaged “healing clay” container. Dirt can sometimes contain harmful minerals like arsenic and mercury. That and the fact that alternative medicines are not regulated by the FDA, it’s probably a good idea to go with a bacteria fighting method that requires a little more regulation on the sales and distribution side…like hand soap for example.

Oh, and my experience with eating healing clay every day for two weeks? Tastes like dirt. Gave me an upset stomach. And I used the restroom a few more times than normal. Perhaps I'm now "toxin" free though...


Works Cited
1. Journal of the American Medical Association, Volume64, Issues 18-26, page 1991
2. http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Healing_clays_may_help_fight_diseases/articleshow/2949087.cms

How to Bridge the Gap

Here's the gap. I ran a 3:39 on my last marathon. And I need to break a 3:10. I've finally realized that I need to scratch my entire workout plan and create a new one, which is good because I never had a workout plan.

Up until a few weeks ago, I was just running twice a week up the trail at a comfortable pace for 10 or 15 miles. Problem is that I wasn't getting any faster. After making some changes over the last few weeks, here is what my schedule is evolving toward:

1. Not Running Slow: Yep, simple as that. How do you expect to run a 7:15 pace for 26.2 miles if all your 10-15 mile runs are at an 8-minute pace? My goal is to get my distance runs at a 7-minute pace. This means that a 7-minute pace should feel comfortable, not like I'm about to keel over. My last 10-miler was at a 7:35, so I'm on my way.
   
2. Intervals: Once per week. I only do these if I can round up a couple friends for 40-minutes of pain. Because intervals suck! We do this workout on a high school track, and start with a mile warm-up. During the warmup, we jog the turns and sprint the straightaways. Then we get into the sprints: two 800s, two 400s, and two 200s. We have a two-minute break in between each interval. I've done this workout four times now.
3. Hills: Once per week. These are like speed work in disguise. I run 3.5 miles to a hill I discovered, run up it, walk down it, repeat a number of times, then run home. I've done this workout three times now. Next weekend I'll be bamboozling a friend into doing this workout with me.
4. Tempo Runs: I just read about these in Runner's World, and haven't done one yet. They say this run should be a 15-minute warmup, followed by 20-minutes at the "tempo pace", then finished with a 15-minute cooldown. To figure out my goal for a tempo pace, I checked with the McMillan running calculator. It says that for a 3:10 marathon I should shoot for a tempo pace between 6:36 and 6:53. Holy smokes!! Well, that ain't gonna happen for now, but I'll report back on my progress.

I've also been getting in an extra workout or two throughout the week. So now I'm running 3 or 4 times per week. Hopefully this will slowly bridge the gap for me so I can accomplish my goals.

Work Hard, Be a Slob, Eat Lasagna

Last week was pretty much all about gorging myself with food, not working out, and gorging myself with food. I went to New York last week to attend a series of all-day (and almost all night) workshops which were intended to develop a solution for some work problem thingies. Yes. Thingies. I could say "To obtain sign-off on a solution for ticket management and best available volumes," but that just doesn't sound as interesting.

I was set up in a large meeting room, which twice a day received catered food. I wish I would have taken a picture some of this stuff. Cookie platters sprinkled with rock candy and chocolates. Huge containers of the main course. And enough soda that everybody in the room could drink a 2-liter. Free food in nearly unlimited amounts is never a good thing for someone with a bottomless stomach. When the next bite tastes good I usually take it. I'm pretty sure that my girlfriend's family thinks I double as a some kind of trash receptacle, which actually ends up being mutually beneficial. They don't like to waste, so they pass it over to the human consumption machine for peace of mind.

I've realized that paying for food actually keeps me healthy. If I'm going to buy something, I'll usually make a healthy choice and keep the portions reasonable. But when it's free, it apparently is no holds barred.

On Tuesday the catering organizer came into our meeting room to ask if we had any preferences for the rest of the week. It quickly became one of those weird situations where nobody wants to suggest a food because they don't know if everyone else in the room will like it. So "Mr. I Don't Give a Sh$t" came to the rescue. "Lasagna!!", I impulsively blurted out during the silence. People just started cracking up. Random...I guess. Timely...yes. Because guess what I did. I successfully avoided people being like, "Uhhh, does anybody like sandwiches or pizza or Chinese food or anything like that?" And then people would feel each other out with their suggestions until the group landed on the lowest common denominator...a freakin' veggie platter.

Oh HELL no, it's time for lasagna, bitches!! And guess what, everyone loved it. Who doesn't like lasagna??

Reality check: This weekend it's ass kickin' time. My ass. On the trails. Burning off some 'sagna. Peace out.

User Guide: How to Party Like a Grown-up

I work in the energy industry and regularly travel to Houston for a project that I'm working on. It is a BIG project, with hundreds of people working on it. As a result, I have a lot of friends in Texas. A lot of them aren't even from Texas though. Like me, they travel in from different cities, even different countries. So we're always looking for a party. And I provide.

It started as dinner parties where I would play chef. I just cooked during the first few parties, but soon introduced other activities like beer making and wine tasting, all the while listening to my eclectic party playlist of old school rap, 80's music, and blues rock. Unfortunately my place in Houston is only big enough to accommodate an invite list of about 15 people. So once I realized that I wanted to party with more people than could fit in my apartment, I decided that we needed to hit the streets. Here's a breakdown of how to party like a grown-up:

• The Standard Dinner Party: invite over 10-15 friends. Serve two appetizers and a main course. The main course should have a side or two, like salad or veggies. Bump some fresh beats, and have some interactive games out in case people are interested. Or you can introduce other themes, like beer making or wine tasting.
  

• The Beer Making Party: find a homebrew store in your area. I forked out a one-time fee of about $120 for the equipment, and then spend about $50-70 per batch of 50 beers. I get money from people that are interested in getting some of the finished product. I try to get $100 per batch from people. So if ten people want in, each pays $10 and gets 5 homemade beers.
  

Sometimes grown-ups like to pretend they are still in college.
Photo on left shows part of my kitchen after the last beer making party.
Photo on right is the result of bustin' out a roundhouse kick to a bag
of malted grains that we used for making the beer.

• The Wine Tasting Party: I'm secretly compiling a database of wine ratings done by real people. So far I have been able to statistically illustrate that there is no correlation between price and taste. Some people have asked me, "But how do you know these people know anything about wine?" Well, maybe they don't. But that's exactly the point. I want to know what the average person thinks, not a group solely of pretentious wine snobs like myself! Have everyone bring a bottle of a similar type of wine. You can't expect a fair experiment if somebody is finishing each sample before moving on to the next (...because they are getting more and more drunk with each sample). So you need to pour them ALL at the same time and present them to the tasters. Yes, you'll need a ton of cups, so just go with cheap plastic ones. People love this event! Especially when you start giving people a hard time because they LOVED the $2 bottle. :)
  

• The Wine Crawl: Choose four wine bars. Spend 45-60 minutes at each. I plan them out so the least amount of transportation is required. Oh, and grown-ups take taxis when they're drunk. Also, I've learned that having the last wine bar next to a bar with a dance floor is always a hit. I don't know a single person that isn't ready to tear up the dance floor after visiting four wine bars.

Tips on throwing a House Party like a Grown-up:

• Try to ensure that everybody on your invite list has at least one friend there besides yourself. For those that don't, tell them they can bring a friend to the party.
  
• Immediately get people a drink upon their arrival. Offer a drink with hard liquor, like a margarita or mojito. The sooner people get a little sloshed the better.
  
• Have music playing. Ensure you have some old school beats on your playlist. Every time I play Rumpshaker by Wreckx-N-Effect it creates a buzz of conversation. People go nuts when they hear a song that they used to love but have forgotten about.
  
• Kill your TV (Unless, of course, the theme of your party is to watch a game or some specific TV show).
  
• Prep the food so that you spend the least amount of time possible in the kitchen during the party.
  
• Have interactive games out in case people want to play them. I don't normally try to gather people for playing them. I leave that for the guests to initiate.
  
• If you regularly throw parties, don't be afraid to let people know that they can bring drinks or just contribute to the cooking fund. I always have an inconspicuous "cooking fund" box, and find that many people will throw in some money. I never ask for money, but definitely accept donations.

So there you have it. Now get out there and party like a Grown-up!
Do you have any grown-up tips you'd like to share?

Personal Worst (yay me)!

I knew it was coming. My running buddies and I have been talking about going for our fastest times on this 3-mile loop that we regularly run. I haven't gone all out on a 3-mile run since high school. So I was interested to see how my time would stack up.

Well... it didn't quite stack, unless "stacking" means to nicely place the worst time ever on top of the better times. Yeah, I didn't think so.

I ran the 2.96 miles in 19 minutes, 51 seconds. This represents a 6:42 average mile. I'm not extremely unsatisfied with the time. It just kind of sucks realizing that your 17-year old self could have seriously kicked your ass. After making myself a warm bottle of milk and crying myself to sleep, my next steps are to hit the track for some interval training. I've said it before and I'll say it again... "No punk 17-year old high school version of myself is going to kick MY ass!!"

See below for the run where I achieved "Personal Worst".


View Larger Map

Journey to the Blue Hole

Belize may just be the easiest vacation spot in Central America. It's a relatively short flight from the US, English is the official language, and there are plenty of restaurants and accommodations that can make you feel like you're staying in a well developed country. Or there are the more local spots that can provide you with that sense of adventure.

So now for the blue hole. This is some kind of diver's mecca, and it definitely amounts to the "Best Dive Ever" in my book.



The blue hole is actually a cave that developed during the last ice age. It's a pretty cool looking cave too, with stalactites and stalagmites (don't even ask me which is which). Back in the last ice age the ocean levels were low enough that this cave wasn't even covered in water. But once the earth starting warming, ocean levels rose from melting glaciers, and this cave collapsed under the weight of the water. The collapsed section is in the form of a hole, and now has a beautiful corral reef surrounding it. You have to travel down the collapsed hole about 100 feet to reach the cave. We dove down 130 feet. The hole goes 400 feet deep, but humans can't dive that deep without leaving their bones on the bottom. For this reason, it's important that a diver has control of their buoyancy.



While the entire dive lasted 25 minutes, you can only remain in the depth of the cave for about 10 minutes before developing nitrogen narcosis. While in the cave I saw a few sharks. And sharks are scary! Especially these ones. They are called Caribbean Reef Sharks, and pretty much look like Great Whites, except they are only about the size of a person. Once out of the cave and back to depths of about 20 feet, I saw about 50 reef sharks. I made sure I was surrounded with other people. Kind of like schools of fish that don't want to get stuck on the outside, I feel my chances of being eaten are slim when there are other meals around me. This was also my thought when I swam from Alcatraz last year. Realistically though, sharks don't eat humans. And there is pretty much no chance that these reef sharks will attack you if unprovoked. Sharks are still scary though!


Caribbean Reef Sharks

Running in Belize was also an adventure. I went on three runs. Two on the beach with my girlfriend. And one down a dirt road by myself, through a fence that I opened so I could run with the horses in there, and then holy crap, there's a guard dog coming toward me, reverse, back out the fence, close the fence quickly, and back down the dirt road to home. I think the horses were sad...


The dirt road and sad horses. It took me forever to open the fence. Not so long to re-open it.

I have always wanted to run up to the top of a Mayan or Incan ruin. Something about those long staircases just seem like a challenge. So that's what I did. Xunantunich is the tallest building in all of Belize. That might sound really tall, but there are no skyscrapers in Belize. So at 130 feet tall, Xunantunich is the equivalent of a 12-story building. I sprinted up multiple staircases to reach the top. Some had really big steps and others small. My girlfriend heard two older woman that were watching me exclaim, "Just watching that makes me feel like I'm going to have a heart attack!" Dang, I don't want to get old. I used to think 30 was old though, and here I am thinking I'm young.



After spending a few days on the mainland, we took a ferry to the popular vacation island called Ambergris Caye. There we relaxed on the beach and hit up several restaurants and bars in town, including a place where people place bets on where a chicken is going to take a dump. They take a chicken, make somebody blow on its ass (I guess that makes it want to poop?), and throw it into a roped-off area where it walks on what looks like a checker board with numbers in each square. It soon unloads on some number, and the winner gets $100. I didn't win any money, but did get to see some drunk person brown-nose the chicken as she pulled it too close to her face while trying to blow on its butt. So that was probably worth $100 or so. Good times.